I got AIDS because Magic Johnson bled all over the filter in my air conditioner. No sir, I don't have white power, Come back tomorrow and we'll watch Kazaam together. I dream of eating Champ brand Spam with Shaq... and then Tom Sellick walks in with a spandex thong on... And I get spread wide by an ice dildo... (deth meat-el part) (auction-core breakdown) "I'll have a McPride sandwich with extra shamrocks and minced Lucky Leprechaun..."

Fredrick Douglas and his Don King hair Captain Tsubasa Drop the Q-basic Spy Hunter with Game Genie Super Virgin Girls Battle Monsters 23 dead Mexicans in a boxcar Dog Tooth 7 Pit Fighter No one can resist crunchy deep fried baby chimps wrapped in bacon And then I shot her with my flaming dildo Then I ate a whole box of Pepperidge Farm Orange Milano cookies mmm... buttermilk, chunky What do ya mean there's no 16 cent ramen noodles? YOU FUCKERS!!! Bret Hart cereal at the dollar store Gonna wrap my house in aluminum foil! Champ, Nelson, Treat, Colby, Unisonic... All the brands that are knockoffs in the Chicago Shrimp festival Penis monkeys banana split salads

In 1095, Urban the 2nd gave God's call pitched the land of milk and honey to the knights of Normandy They marched through Antioch, Odessa, and later Tripoli Jerusalem, the holy city would fall When Jerusalem was lost, the three warlords unite, In the third most famous crusade, Richard the Lionheart was a fag, King Philip lost his head, And Fredrick Barborosa dropped dead on his horse (I like dead horses, like Mr. Ed They taste good in fast food burgers) Kill the Turban Goobers with your lice and fleas The smell of Western Europe brings the world to its knees The fourth crusade only reached Constantinople Where the knights ransacked the Byzantine Innocent the III was pleased at the expedition Killing Christians in the name of Christ (Country music makes me want to shoot Mexicans) Bombard the holy city with decapitated heads Rape dirty bitches in the name of our Lord... (Hey! Bolt Thrower sucks! I live by the book of Jamal!)

Basket weaving goiter people screaming for iodine People in my neighborhood never clean their air ducts, in fact, they piss in them Gargle sperm and say Princeton ANDY TIMMONS IS MY SUPER HERO!!! "Hernias are frequent in middle age adults." HE'S GOT A BIG WHITE COCK!!! "Due to mental instability, the subject may attempt to lift heavy objects, such as refrigerators and trailers. Sexual organs shrivel up, and regulate at a much, much, much, much, much slower rate..." Vanilla Ice is living well in his mansion with his piccolo snare Moldy deer heads at Wal-Mart TED NUGENT SHOULD SHOOT EVERYTHING!!! "Then you start peeing yourself..." Give blood, have your period into a plastic bag.

I saw a death metal album cover today it looked just like any other Shit, everywhere, on the faces of strangers of every race and all colors A guy had his head in a white, wooden box, A lady sat on top and pooped inside On the back, an Asian girl sat in a tub and sprayed feces toward the sky Brownie!!! Enemas for all! People pay money to jerk off to this? If I had a dollar for every one of these fecal fetish covers I could buy haircuts for all the people in a fecal fetish death metal band Cookie, Cookie, Cookie, Cookies...

Fuck FAO Schwartz and fuck Sharper Image and fuck retail clothes and fuck yuppie bastards and their flimsy shit expensive cars and fuck FYE and Sam Goody fuck conglomerated retail franchise stores that kill my favorite shopping spots fuck movie theaters that never have matinees fuck Blockbuster rentals fuck expensive restaurants with lousy food and shit service fuck prissy private schools and the people who attend them fuck duty free stores fuck airport stores in general fuck Pillsbury for making just plain absolute shit fuck concentrate orange juice for existing and being invented fuck all convenience stores and their eggnog fuck any non-fresh coffee fuck all-you-can-eat buffets that charge extra for drinks fuck drivers on cell phones fuck fake military surplus stores that are really fucking trendy shit stores Yuppies drink earth juice with a side order of bark and fields of bean sprouts with pot growing in the middle Will my Steam Buggy safely remove Jew ash from my Hitler poster? Should I upgrade to the plasma shooter model? I gotta buy that new Beatles Best Of that has a different track order than the last 59 that came out and I bought from an infomercial for $18.98 plus $5.95 shipping and handling, California residents add 8.7% sales tax? Gotta buy next year's new VW Beetle to match my new model Nokia cell phone and pager and buy 20 candy-colored USB hubs for all my stupid peripherals like Cue Cats while I attend French culinary classes to become another stupid frog competitor on the Iron Chef USA edition to support my dream career as a model art sculptor and make macaroni paintings just like in day-car mommy and daddy put me in when I was a kid so they could be desk-jockeys, and have big executive meetings to discuss why Structure stores need to have a pillar removed for display purposes, but my paintings will sell for 10 grand on the New York circuit!

Mingia! I said a pastrami and bruschetta hoagie! Yeah I'm Italian 'cause I watch Sopranos Saw Goodfellas about 38 times My Garbage disposal's always clogged with peppers and onions and kneecaps Last week I got grounded 'cause I forgot to buy the right mozzarella My house smells like garlic and sausage 24/7 I never take off my cross necklace, even when I'm shooting porno with my 8 1/2 inch cock Orange marzipan Briosco Bosco I sweat olive oil from my armpits, with a touch of rosemary and pepper flakes You gotta love Italy's soap operas on satellite TV Even though I don't know what the hell they're talking about you put a horse head in your bed Disposing bodies in a car crusher Jimmy Hoffa's buried under Giant's Stadium

Pushing on the gas, I'm gonna rev it up Living on the edge, I'm gonna... live it up Watch my stupid plastic car race around an oval 900 times While you down another 6 dollar beer And trade in your Winstons for Marlboros, Then you'll be a real racing car man like me The smell of burning brakes is worse than rotting tuna fish And undouched pussy a week post a 763 man gang bang and... BLOWING YOUR LOAD! Write three more racing songs on this album like Primal Fear Ralf Sheepers ain't got nothin' on me, 'cause my sponsors are getting me a shitload more money than his record royalties Whoa baby, whoa baby Tawny Kittain is on the hood of my car, as I rev that sucker like a Japanese teenage boy on unairbrushed American cunt-hair Beat that, Whitesnake! I don't care if Steve Vai was in your band before you died! No one sees my Andri Agassi style mullet under my helmet! Smoke Turbo! Under my wheels!!!

Hey, it's me. I smoke NyQuil, 'cause it makes me feel good... Iyllah! AAYAYYYAYAYAYAAYAYAYA Dick Machine You know the only one's the Dick Machine (Smoke Turbo) Dick Machine You know the only one's the Dick Machine, Dick Machine Yo man, I smoke wet Yo man, I smoke NyQuil Yo, you know what these faggots do? They steal mom's packs of Winston's, and they put glue on it, and they smoke it so they can get a buzz There once was this man named Nick He had a real big fucking, fucking dick and that's why they call it the Dick Machine, Dick Machine, nigger! Spray cigarettes with Raid, makes them good shit.

(stupid computer voice intro) Swastikas in the sky Ashes float twice as high Time to go watch Wizards again With Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben But no, Mrs. Butterworth's gonna kick your ass With the Amish Quaker Oatmeal Bastard Snap, Crackle, & Pop all still around But no toast or crunch... (enter the Castrata) Now for bad French Canadian animated shorts Pac-dogs nipping at my crotch Pac-dogs don't wanna fuck with Pac-Allans Harvest Moon sucks!

...highly logical... indeed...

(em ni sevil natas) Can't you pity my bleeding asshole? TV is evil, and your momma's bad in bed I never knew so many ethnic cultures smelled so bad Rolling Stone magazine is ass-wiping fun Fuck old people in their off-colored cars What ever happened to Chuck E Cheeses? Woke up this afternoon, thought it was this morning Screamed "Hey Mom! Why you cookin' chicken for breakfast?" In 12th grade I still got picked last in gym But I guess you don't care that I'm not circumcised Stick my Jimmy Dean Sausage in Jimmy Dean's face Pillsbury can suck it like a shitty tasting crescent roll wrapped around a cocktail hotdog with a shitty mustard dip I hate the clothes you wear and I really hate your music Fuck your radio and fuck your trendy white-ass club going bitch Can't stand what's too popular for it's own good I left my strength in a high school bathroom urinal The black lady on Tom & Jerry used to be black You closed down a bookstore to open up this crap? One last sewage nugget is running down my leg Yesterday's Taco Bell is running south of the border People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones at Ice-T, They should stone Michael Jordan's asshole, while he throws up after a night of binge drinking Tang. Hey, at least it smells better than his cologne... Tiger Balm cures everything, but Tiger's penis cures even more, especially Tony the tiger's... They'll just put him on the cover of the box, with a band-aid on his crotch But there's gotta be Hitlers rising out of cereal bowls, with white-power edition Whetena boxes...

Hey kiddies, take the candy from the backseat of my car Hey kiddies, I'll try not to molest you too very much Just because I'm 37 and still live with my parents One day I'll be the assistant front manager at McDonalds I can get you all the free burgers and toys you want There's a Happy Meal in my pants, don't need to look too hard... Hey kiddies, take the candy from the backseat of my car Hey kiddies, my Happy Meal doesn't have that Burger King aftertaste...

Everyone's a ******, 'cause ****** means ignorant Everyone is gay, 'cause gay means unproductive Everyone's a faggot, 'cause I said so. Thank you. Jew jew, ******, jew jew. Dick dick, cunt rag, scrotum Douch douch in my pee hole with a rubber mallet razor-wired asshole barb wire in cunt I like screwing pre-teens and jerk off to their poop Thank you.

I'm dropping the light berries! All over the monster's cave! 32 simultaneous EGA colors! I keep dying! You know you're a real nerd When you remember Zork, and Shadowgate, and programming bootleg arcade games for the Commodore 64 I was the only kid on the block with a Turbo Grafx 16. Yeah, I saw Ninja Turtles 3 in the theaters, So what? And I didn't learn shit in Technology class, either! My teacher made me do everything while he Whacked off to his porn VCDs PC Dos used to be so great!

Makeveli 8 Armanians have the best graphical technology on their news programs Fantasy Penis Bobbin = negro Waterworld = the best movie ever Bill Cosby Breakdowns Gotta give props to the Props. Yeah, I'm Italian 'cause I watch Sopranos Fantasy Penis take 666 we have too many songs about basketball players wow! Sausage on pizza looks like boils on the elephant man, but it tastes SOO GOOOD... You can't give Solar Jetman away.